diary of a girl

I hope my mom divorces my step dad and moves out and we can just be a family of three again. I feel like that was the time when we had the most fun together. Plus, the house she wants to buy is super gorgeous and it’s brand new. Life is just so hard and has been getting really hard recently. I’m almost finished with my degree, I hate my major, I don’t know what I want to do with it…I’ve considered medical school, optometry school, etc etc etc but I don’t really want to do any of it. I hate how everything works in this world. I hate how it makes people so shitty and fake. There is so much hate in this world it’s ridiculous and I am so god damn tired of it.

8th grade, I wanted to kill myself because of reasons like these. I convinced myself over the years that it wasn’t worth it. But to this day, I still believe that the world is fucking horrible and I often don’t want to deal with anything because literally nothing we do personally will change anything. There will always be someone who has more power than you who will crush your dreams into micro fragments and you will then be forced to cope with the pain and somehow “climb” your way back to happiness again. And then the cycle will repeat itself. Over and over until you either actually commit suicide, get killed, or die “peacefully” the way we all wish. 

Fuck everyone and everything who has made me the who I am today. I used to be so fucking nice to everyone but somewhere somehow, I was hurt enough to the point where I stopped caring about people/situations altogether. I have people whom I love, I have people I care about, but everyone is the same. We all care about “our” people, then whoever we don’t know, we couldn’t give them a second look. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but hell, you really can’t trust anyone. I learned that at WORK. That’s sad. I’m done ranting. I hate this place.

Get out of my head.
I’m tired of blogging about you.
Your name pops up everywhere.
You are somehow a part of me and I am still aching with hope that I am still somehow a part of you.
But you won’t let me in anymore and I won’t let myself in anymore because I am not selfish like you.

Over you.

I was doing fine, kind of. I still try to look for you. I’m catching myself doing it constantly when I’m on that dumb game. I tried to avoid you. I did for a few days. Now that I saw you again it’s like I’m a dumb 13 year old again wanting you back. Or maybe it was because of that message. But whatever the reason may be, you love her now. I hope you are as happy as you have ever been. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me the most.

There is a reason for everything.

I loved you, every inch of you, every insane idea that has gone through your crazed head. I loved you. And, in all honesty I think I still do.


-Things I’ll Never Be Able To Tell You

(via w-reck4ge)

A Story A Day #125

Am I ready to let you go? You’ve been part of me for so long…