I wonder if you even think about me
this blog always starts out intentionally not to be about you but always ends up being about you
and then it gets deleted again because something happened between us that made me want to forget about you again.
I’m so sorry for lashing out on you all the time….I get jealous so easily. I just never want anyone to have feelings for you. I want you all to myself all of the time. I love you so much it drives me crazy. I hope you forgive me for everything that I do.
You asked such simple questions… Why did I pick up your call, why am I still here, why did I reply to your texts?
It’s very simple, you see, I love you.
I am crazy about you. Literally insane. Since day one you have skyrocketed my emotions into heaven and plunged them through the flowing lava in hell. You have made me feel things that no one else had ever experienced in their lifetime and I’ve got to say you’re one hell of a drug.
You inspire me to write about you. Draw for you, sing to you.
If you tell me you love it, I will try as hard as I can to make you smile.
You’ll never leave my heart Jesse Bobby Keo. It’s been branded with your love and warmth until the day I die. And I am so very honored to have you in my life today.
You’re asleep right now. I finished The Notebook, but you already know the ending, right? I like listening to you sleep. It is comforting to know that even though you’re there and I’m here, you exist. And right now that’s enough for me. I know things are really rough right now. For you especially. I just wish that no matter what you will be happy. You deserve it all. I know I’ve hurt you so much in the past, and every time it’s brought up in our conversations, it cuts us both and reopens scars that may never heal. But I just wanted to tell you that I don’t think I could ever live without you in my life. Even if I have to stay nothing more than a friend forever, I can live with that. I’ll be here. I don’t care if it hurts me to see anyone else be that special person for you. I want to be a better person and I believe that helping you through all the bumpy roads you have to take is the best place to start.
I have to admit, in the beginning when we first started talking again, I had my guard up so high it hit the clouds…But you being you, and like the Notebook, you came flowing back into my life again. You’ve done it a hundred times already, but each time it’s like a miracle. I really did miss you. Every time I read anything about love, relationships, friendships, boys, it’s you Jesse. Sometimes I really hate it that you’re the only one who pops into my head…but other times I just want to cry all day in my bed because I let you go. I have never fallen for anyone so hard in my life. You make my emotions so wild I can never contain myself when I am thinking about you. When you say something that upsets me, I cry. When you say something so sweet it could melt me like chocolate, I fall even harder. I don’t know if we will ever be able to get close to what we used to be, but I just wanted to let you know how I feel.
I admit that earlier I was sad because I saw that you really did move on. I’m really happy for you. I just can’t help feeling sad and regretful. You still flirt with me like back then…I love every moment of it. I just do not know how to feel about it because I feel that your heart belongs with her now. I don’t mean for this to be upsetting. I am just in love with you.